Scared To Death

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your Life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14 (NIV) The book of James is a tough read. The chapter before addresses the tongue, and we don't even want to go there.

I love old pictures. My favorite part is to study the picture and try to imagine what that person was thinking.



Talk about little house on the prairie!(photo above). My father loved the church and he loved his family. Now that I am a father myself, I understand more about not always being there for my children and how it breaks my heart. My father worked hard for his education, business, church and family. As a young boy brought into this nasty world confused and already tainted at the age of six; I wasted a lot of years hating my father.

After puberty, my world of confusion would increase dramatically and I new there was something wrong with me. Molestation tainted my whole life growing up and taking my life became more a reality as I grew. As a teenager I began to contemplate taking my life through that dirty word, suicide. I had to deal with the religious belief that if I took my life than I may go to hell. Well, the hell I learned about could not be any worse than the hell I lived with on a daily basis; so I thought at the time.

It is interested to look back at my life as a teenager and young adult and remember how many times I thought of taking my life due to the pain. Now, at the young age of 38 I find myself scared to death of loosing my life. Scared of how I might die. Scared of when I may die. Scared of leaving my wife behind. Scared of leaving my children behind. Scared of the unknown. Is the words that line the pages of the Bible really true? If I believe, will I really have eternally life?

My father always stated to know where you are going. "You better be sure" he would say. And my father was always sure just where he was going. The day of my father's death he was weed eating his drive. Still so healthy, out doing yard work like any other week. Loving life. "No one loves there life as much I do" he would say; "no one appreciates there salvation as much as I do". My father just recently had a physical the month before his death and all the blood work came back good - HEALTHY!!

As my father lay there that day in his death bed, six foot and over 250 pounds; I was mad. I was mad because he had never been allergic to anything before in his life. A bee sting! I thought to myself. My father died of an allergic reaction to a bee sting! The Lord tells us that his ways are not are ways; Isaiah 55:8. The Lord chose to take my father by a way that was unheard of for the rest of us. A simple bee sting.

You see I'm not as scared about HOW I may die. I am more scared about the condition of my heart that my heavenly father will find, when I die.