Another Pastor

I remember when I began in the ministry in 1992. Wow, who would thought that would sound old. I was nervous and excited. I actually started out in Youth ministry and graduated to the music ministry. I remember placing all my energy into loving those kids knowing I was going to make a difference in there lives. The pastor was great. I got to know the pastor's family well. I was so full of life and ready to take on anything. Then the real ministry began. The ministry of warfare.

Not really knowing what that was, I resigned that I would always serve God and the church; just like my father. I did not understand yet that the "struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" Ephesians 6:12 - God, if I would have really got all that before I began my journey. I mean if you really process that verse, you may take more time to think about what you are getting into.

But I didn't. I didn't care, I just wanted to make a difference in people's lives. I knew that I could. On the road to making a difference, I would minister with my superior - The Pastor. Now, I really never had thought that would be a problem; until the day I realized that "they" are human too. I have never had an issue of respecting and supporting my pastor, my coworker and most the time my friend. After all I was raised well. I was raised never to disrespect my elders and those over me in the ministry. I haven't always agreed - but NEVER have I disrespected.

My first pastor loved me. He also married me and my lovely bride. He loved to sing and one of his favorites was "People Need The Lord". He finally mustard up the nerve to sing it in church one Sunday and it was so precious. The song was as precious as his heart. This pastor help me check myself into the Psych hospital and then wanted to know all about it; love him.

My second pastor was an Indian - full blooded he was. I remember one Sunday - I think was "old timer's day" or "farmers day" something like that, when he wore his chief outfit - headdress and all; that was cool. Now, he wasn't much on the get to know real well side, but that was ok. He loved me just the same.

My third pastor was CRAZY. I worked with him for 8 long months. He would tell me stories of when he was in the war to purposely scare me. I think one time I peed in my pants. I thought I might go back to the hospital working with this one. So I was able (thank God) to go back and get my old job with pastor number 2.

My fourth pastor loved the lost. He had a great desire to see many come to the Lord. I remember the day we voted him into the church body - 100% - Wow! One of the statements that he made in his trial sermon was "I would rather my daughter marry a black man that loved the lord, than a white man that did not". Now I will never understand how he got voted in at all, much less 100% since that church was prejudice as they came. Well he lasted there 1 year. He loved me too. Organizational skills, or the lack of drove me crazy! But I loved him.

My fifth pastor loved me more than any of the above. After 14 years in the ministry, I was finally a full-time minister of music and youth. After 2 1/2 years my personal life was weighing me down and I fell off the wagon. I was to embarrassed to tell anyone especially my pastor. Well, bless his heart he just did not know what to do. So he wrote my resignation letter, persuaded me to sign it, said I would never work in another church again, said I want say anything about my sin to anyone if I told my wife and family, lied, attempted to destroy me and my family by telling every pastor and church in the community, and threatened the church not to call or support me or my family in any way or he would resign. WOW, who needs enemies with friends like these. But I loved him, dearly.

It had been 6 months and then my dad died and I decided I needed to get back up on the horse, some how. The sixth pastor came to my house and challenged me to study and pray more and my life would change; and it did. This pastor counseled me and became my friend and help me to heal. I had never been as close to the Lord as I was through this time. He loved God, his family, music and was an outstanding musician. I honestly thought I would get to serve once again under his leadership. But, before that happened the church went crazy and voted him out. I really loved this one and I miss him much.

The seventh pastor was an intern and he loved me enough to rebuke me and question my walk. But, he stated that he personally would not reinstate me into a staff position until after 5 years from when I got "the boot". Not real sure about that one, but he meant well and I enjoyed his preaching.

The next pastor has come into the fold. GOD BLESS HIM! It has been 3 1/2 hears since my full-time ministry dissolved in a trail of blaze and I currently am in the band. No, I'm not the drummer. I am able to sing and play and lead through the praise band. I have done special music and visited other churches and sang. The last church I visited printed in the bulletin for the Sunday Night Service "Steve Hardin in Concert" - now that can give a confidence boost. They were lovely and it was a blessing. They just so happened to vote on looking for a music minister that evening in a business meeting; 1 1/2 hours away - no, I don't think so.

I am questioning my walk with the Lord and at the same time I'm ready to lead again. The new pastor seems humble enough. He has preached the word and seems sincere about his call and path of ministry. He has a lovely family. He seeks to be encouraging and supportive and loving. He has a strong education background and continues to seek to expand his theological education. The church seems to be very excited and the attendance is beginning to pick up again. He has launched an evangelistic program that the church seems to be excited about. He supports the praise band and wants to here more of it. HE SOUNDS GREAT! But what if?

What if he's crazy? What if he's a backstabber? What if he first loves and then denies? What if he seems sound in his faith only to turn from the really sick in sin? What if? What if he's human?

2 Timothy 1:7 states that "for God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear), but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline (sound mind)".

But, I am scared. I am scared to love again. I am scared to support again. I am scared to get to know yet another again. How do you keep loving, supporting and encouraging yet another when all you've known is fear, and defeat as you have attempted to get back up on the horse again and again? How do seek to serve again when all you feel is that every move you make you are getting judged again and again for your past? How?

Psalms 19: 13 states "Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me...."

We are commanded to love as in 1 Corinthians 13. We are commanded to fight the good fight of the faith in 1 Timothy 6:12. We are commanded to share every good thing with our teacher and master.

Proverbs 3:27 states "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act".

Hebrews 10:23-25 states "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching".

The point is; every pastor is human too, and every pastor makes mistakes and sins. Now it is time for me as a believer to choose to love, support, and minister to yet - another pastor.